Tough One

Finished watching Hitch for the second time at around 6.30 in the morning. I always tell my friends that I don't like watching movies. Actually I just don't like to watch movies on purpose. There were exceptions where I watched a few blockbusters, with friends and on my own.
It's always better to watch movies coincidently, where your browsing through channels, you come to a movie where you feel like watching, and you'll stop changing channels then...

Like I said, that's the second time I watch this movie, the first was earlier, around 4 am it ended. But this time, it's got me thinking again, thinking bout what I've done, what I've not and what I should. It's been weeks since we met each other, and seemed like each of us is busy with our own life. She's busy packing herself up, while me busy getting on diet... again. Well it was me trying to pretend that I'm busy, so busy that I didn't even make a move.

I thought I could get over something which I had no confidence on. I did succeed, partially, as my beloved brother recall all the memories again. Not exactly too much to recall, but enough to make me not to get in sleep again. Yet another sleepless night and I have to blog again to ease my feelings - complicated feelings. I should stop doing this though this may not be addictive, but it's bad trying to tell others how you feel too much, just not too asian style of being more conservative.

From what I remember, I've almost gotten over her for the past few weeks before our next promise, a promise I need to fulfill before the departure. I was hoping to escape from the promise but the good memory she has made feel regret over something I don't regret at all, yeah it's hard to understand, including myself too..

The coldness I received, got me shivering down to my spine and when I turned cold, I gave out cold responses too, or I should say no responses at all. I did what most cowards would do - escaping. Escaping from my feelings, which maybe deceptive and always against my rationality. So there's like a debate in me, a civil war, between my rationality, and my feelings. I'm still wondering if my ego is inside and which side would it stand for. These little wars I have, they'll just keep coming and coming but right now, they're giving more headache then I should.

I've blogged this quite significantly for those who understand the situation. For those who don't and feel blur, no worries as just assume that it's another blog of how I feel so you will know how complex I can become sometimes, far worse than a woman I think. Ya I admit it, when you have special feeling in you, a small matter will just be zoomed in 10 times and the fluctuations of my feelings can be like the shares in the share market (oops, business terms).

Forgetting is one thing but trying to forget is another thing. I don't know how it will turn out to be but I have to forget, I hope I can be the former who forgets. At least this way I don't give troubles to my friends and I can show people my best condition rather than suffering from insomnia and asking friends to listen to me in the middle of the night, and blog again at the end of the day.