唔衰得既精神

Tough One

Finished watching Hitch for the second time at around 6.30 in the morning. I always tell my friends that I don't like watching movies. Actually I just don't like to watch movies on purpose. There were exceptions where I watched a few blockbusters, with friends and on my own.
It's always better to watch movies coincidently, where your browsing through channels, you come to a movie where you feel like watching, and you'll stop changing channels then...

Like I said, that's the second time I watch this movie, the first was earlier, around 4 am it ended. But this time, it's got me thinking again, thinking bout what I've done, what I've not and what I should. It's been weeks since we met each other, and seemed like each of us is busy with our own life. She's busy packing herself up, while me busy getting on diet... again. Well it was me trying to pretend that I'm busy, so busy that I didn't even make a move.

I thought I could get over something which I had no confidence on. I did succeed, partially, as my beloved brother recall all the memories again. Not exactly too much to recall, but enough to make me not to get in sleep again. Yet another sleepless night and I have to blog again to ease my feelings - complicated feelings. I should stop doing this though this may not be addictive, but it's bad trying to tell others how you feel too much, just not too asian style of being more conservative.

From what I remember, I've almost gotten over her for the past few weeks before our next promise, a promise I need to fulfill before the departure. I was hoping to escape from the promise but the good memory she has made feel regret over something I don't regret at all, yeah it's hard to understand, including myself too..

The coldness I received, got me shivering down to my spine and when I turned cold, I gave out cold responses too, or I should say no responses at all. I did what most cowards would do - escaping. Escaping from my feelings, which maybe deceptive and always against my rationality. So there's like a debate in me, a civil war, between my rationality, and my feelings. I'm still wondering if my ego is inside and which side would it stand for. These little wars I have, they'll just keep coming and coming but right now, they're giving more headache then I should.

I've blogged this quite significantly for those who understand the situation. For those who don't and feel blur, no worries as just assume that it's another blog of how I feel so you will know how complex I can become sometimes, far worse than a woman I think. Ya I admit it, when you have special feeling in you, a small matter will just be zoomed in 10 times and the fluctuations of my feelings can be like the shares in the share market (oops, business terms).

Forgetting is one thing but trying to forget is another thing. I don't know how it will turn out to be but I have to forget, I hope I can be the former who forgets. At least this way I don't give troubles to my friends and I can show people my best condition rather than suffering from insomnia and asking friends to listen to me in the middle of the night, and blog again at the end of the day.

When A Conflict becomes Conflicts

There is no conflict when you are alone, but as people start coming into your life, good things happen, but simultaneously conflicts occur with the misunderstood and disagreement on views. During these times, people either choose to communicate or just keep it inside of them...

As days go by, when a small conflict starts accumulating, things turn bad as people are more biased due to unsatisfactions towards a friend, and become prejudice on whatever the person does. This can be proof by what had happened around me and inside of me. I have prejudice on people, when the misunderstanding in me starts to create bigger and bigger gaps.

Everyone is unique in their own way, and with this different perceptions of seeing things arise. What people told me can give me an impression from him or her. It does influence me somehow when I have my own ways of looking at things. What I told others too is biased which are based on my past experience and shared experience from people who told me. I'm not trying to say that people must agree with me on all the things, but I just wanna tell them how I feel and hoping at least a small part of what I've said or done could've helped them. Sometimes I feel that such can be too demanding especially when you try to do good to those you love the most.
Not trying to be acting mature or impressing others, I've been through some parts of those and I just take into account what I've done right and what was not, and warning out what should be done.

Things can turn bad too under such circumstance. People will start to lose faith on you, start to think then your acts contradict with their thoughts and alienate you. Thinking that you're one of a kind, conflicts will be worsened when they start telling others about you, not criticsims or backstabbing, but it will be a topic for others to ice break their conversation. It so happens that you're being pushed up onto the stage. You may not realise it but it happens around.

Surely I miss the days when there was no conflict among friends, where stupidity ruled and cock talked. You can defined that as lifeless but trust me, as lifeless as it can be, it still gives happy memories and those moments could be unforgettable for you've been there, done that. Those days where people gathered around, shared the ups and downs of their lives, and teasing on things which happened. Well I didn't say that this is good, but at least can give us more insight of how people live, and become more understandable of their actions, rather than putting others in our mouths and gossiping around.

Time cannot be turned back like what we watched in movies, but we can slow down time if we concentrate on what we do and do it without hesitation. It's hesitation, not without prior thinking. I had wasted alot of time, energy in hesitating, but I try not to waste time anymore after what had happened to me and those around me. I want to spend more time with friends and show my appreciation to them as they are the closest people I have because of the family background I have. I seek almost everything from them, and thus I really love them as friends. Those who've accompanied me since secondary school, those whom spend their time with me, and those whom I seeked help from. My love to them are in descending order so if you're reading now, you'll know who you are and how I treat you compare to others. It may not matter to you much but the closer you are to me, the more it does to me...