唔衰得既精神

3:46

我不知道我的部落格有没有读者，可是对我来说，

这是发泄心情的最好地方..

不许顾虑到别人误解我，反正我都习惯被误解了..

靠文字来抒发，感觉比较实在，至少在往后的日子里，

自己可以回顾以前的事情，看看是否有所成长,

笑看以前的我..

今晚我完全无优的看了一出戏,

故事说的是星星与人..

当时真的被感动了，

好像这种事真的会发生..

所以我努力的撑着，撑着，

自己快要没能力撑下去了；

因为我懂，救我的人，

不会在此时出现..

我还是想努力的挣扎，

虽然放弃的念头不断的重复...

Spontaneity

It's been a while since I last updated my blog..
Dozens of things happened, but hardly any of them are sad news, which is why I've been lazy to blog, it's not necessary to share all the happy things with everyone gua..

Just listened to Jacky Cheung's song call 讲你知. It's an old song I know, but when I listened back to the lyrics it just touched me. I do realise that many of those old songs were lost deep inside my memories waiting to be recalled. I've been listening back to quite a number of old songs recently too, both english and chinese.. Maybe it's the aging process which keeps me holding back to the good old days, normally only older people will wander in the old memories aren't they?

My dark circles are getting worse lately, due to waking up so darn early while sleeping only after 12am. They're even worse than Robin's mask I guess. Sleeping after 12am is normal for me as I'll always go online when I reach home no matter what time I come back, the duration of chatting with friends would be longer if it's early, so all in all, sleep after midnight... The reason for early wake up is not only for lectures, but also for some other reasons - for a promise, to wake up early (kinda regretting now).

Been trying hard to put more effort on my studies, just that it's rather useless as last minute work a.k.a procrastinating is injected into my blood. Compare to last semester, there's still improvement where I will still do homework before going to tutorials. But tomorrow I may die due to the replacement for Audit and I didn't do the homework, sei lah...
The purpose of being so hardworking? Well last semester was a motivation for me to achieve even better result after getting a HD in my exam. Greed has overwhelmed me in a good way. Moreover, my plan 2 leave 4 Aus maybe obstructed if I don't get better results within these 2 sems. In addition, it's to prove of my main objective to go to Aus is to study, not for fooling around. The 唔衰得即精神 will remain in me Kin Fai has done his part to maintain this spirit. I shall not falter..

善忘了

有时候, 善忘真好,
日子真的比较好混..
因为, 没有包袱,
也没有伤心,
让自己无忧无虑..

善忘,
不代表没有记忆,
只是在记忆的拼图里,
拼的是自己想要得画面,
伤心的,
早就抛诸脑后;
开心的,
则是记忆犹新,

我善忘了,
忘记了以前的心碎,
所带来的痛楚，
忘记了以前的教训,
所给的警惕，
重蹈复测,
伤痕累累的记忆,
好像曾经有过，
甚至忘了对自己与他人的承诺,
因为自律能力降了,
做了无可挽回的事情..

内疚吗? 不会..
因为我善忘..
承诺呢? 忘了..
因为我善忘..
怎么办?
记录起来噜..

过了今晚，
善忘的我，
可能依然就范，
撞个头破血流，
果真是个活该，
连三岁小孩都比我清醒，
看来我的善忘，
还让我活在自己的世界里.. 

多 少

今天过后,
生活会改变

多了一份思念,
多了一种病,
多了一份期待,
多了一份记忆,
多了一份忧虑,
多了- 不该多的...

少了短讯的来临,
少了一把声音,
少了一个背影,
少了支撑的力量,
少了一份关怀,
少了- 不该少的...

Tough One

Finished watching Hitch for the second time at around 6.30 in the morning. I always tell my friends that I don't like watching movies. Actually I just don't like to watch movies on purpose. There were exceptions where I watched a few blockbusters, with friends and on my own.
It's always better to watch movies coincidently, where your browsing through channels, you come to a movie where you feel like watching, and you'll stop changing channels then...

Like I said, that's the second time I watch this movie, the first was earlier, around 4 am it ended. But this time, it's got me thinking again, thinking bout what I've done, what I've not and what I should. It's been weeks since we met each other, and seemed like each of us is busy with our own life. She's busy packing herself up, while me busy getting on diet... again. Well it was me trying to pretend that I'm busy, so busy that I didn't even make a move.

I thought I could get over something which I had no confidence on. I did succeed, partially, as my beloved brother recall all the memories again. Not exactly too much to recall, but enough to make me not to get in sleep again. Yet another sleepless night and I have to blog again to ease my feelings - complicated feelings. I should stop doing this though this may not be addictive, but it's bad trying to tell others how you feel too much, just not too asian style of being more conservative.

From what I remember, I've almost gotten over her for the past few weeks before our next promise, a promise I need to fulfill before the departure. I was hoping to escape from the promise but the good memory she has made feel regret over something I don't regret at all, yeah it's hard to understand, including myself too..

The coldness I received, got me shivering down to my spine and when I turned cold, I gave out cold responses too, or I should say no responses at all. I did what most cowards would do - escaping. Escaping from my feelings, which maybe deceptive and always against my rationality. So there's like a debate in me, a civil war, between my rationality, and my feelings. I'm still wondering if my ego is inside and which side would it stand for. These little wars I have, they'll just keep coming and coming but right now, they're giving more headache then I should.

I've blogged this quite significantly for those who understand the situation. For those who don't and feel blur, no worries as just assume that it's another blog of how I feel so you will know how complex I can become sometimes, far worse than a woman I think. Ya I admit it, when you have special feeling in you, a small matter will just be zoomed in 10 times and the fluctuations of my feelings can be like the shares in the share market (oops, business terms).

Forgetting is one thing but trying to forget is another thing. I don't know how it will turn out to be but I have to forget, I hope I can be the former who forgets. At least this way I don't give troubles to my friends and I can show people my best condition rather than suffering from insomnia and asking friends to listen to me in the middle of the night, and blog again at the end of the day.

When A Conflict becomes Conflicts

There is no conflict when you are alone, but as people start coming into your life, good things happen, but simultaneously conflicts occur with the misunderstood and disagreement on views. During these times, people either choose to communicate or just keep it inside of them...

As days go by, when a small conflict starts accumulating, things turn bad as people are more biased due to unsatisfactions towards a friend, and become prejudice on whatever the person does. This can be proof by what had happened around me and inside of me. I have prejudice on people, when the misunderstanding in me starts to create bigger and bigger gaps.

Everyone is unique in their own way, and with this different perceptions of seeing things arise. What people told me can give me an impression from him or her. It does influence me somehow when I have my own ways of looking at things. What I told others too is biased which are based on my past experience and shared experience from people who told me. I'm not trying to say that people must agree with me on all the things, but I just wanna tell them how I feel and hoping at least a small part of what I've said or done could've helped them. Sometimes I feel that such can be too demanding especially when you try to do good to those you love the most.
Not trying to be acting mature or impressing others, I've been through some parts of those and I just take into account what I've done right and what was not, and warning out what should be done.

Things can turn bad too under such circumstance. People will start to lose faith on you, start to think then your acts contradict with their thoughts and alienate you. Thinking that you're one of a kind, conflicts will be worsened when they start telling others about you, not criticsims or backstabbing, but it will be a topic for others to ice break their conversation. It so happens that you're being pushed up onto the stage. You may not realise it but it happens around.

Surely I miss the days when there was no conflict among friends, where stupidity ruled and cock talked. You can defined that as lifeless but trust me, as lifeless as it can be, it still gives happy memories and those moments could be unforgettable for you've been there, done that. Those days where people gathered around, shared the ups and downs of their lives, and teasing on things which happened. Well I didn't say that this is good, but at least can give us more insight of how people live, and become more understandable of their actions, rather than putting others in our mouths and gossiping around.

Time cannot be turned back like what we watched in movies, but we can slow down time if we concentrate on what we do and do it without hesitation. It's hesitation, not without prior thinking. I had wasted alot of time, energy in hesitating, but I try not to waste time anymore after what had happened to me and those around me. I want to spend more time with friends and show my appreciation to them as they are the closest people I have because of the family background I have. I seek almost everything from them, and thus I really love them as friends. Those who've accompanied me since secondary school, those whom spend their time with me, and those whom I seeked help from. My love to them are in descending order so if you're reading now, you'll know who you are and how I treat you compare to others. It may not matter to you much but the closer you are to me, the more it does to me...

A new idea of present

I do realise 1 thing about myself again today. My addiction to buy original music CDs has never gone after I lost my car.
What's more, it's just gotten worse,
I have a list of CDs I want to buy for my new ride, so many of them,
and all the CDs I bought before which I lost.
Am I a spendthrift or a maniac supporting oringinal CDs so much?
Most of my friends ask me just go download or buy pirated where the quality is just as good. I just can't resist supporting orgininal as I really do want to see the fall of the music industry due to our selfishness to buy pirated CDs.
It is also the best I can do to show my support to the singers I like, as most of the time chances of having them to come to open concert in Malaysia can be hard and expensive..

People argue that buying CD is a bundle pricing strategy used by record companies. Either you buy the whole album or forget it. I'd say that it's a completion of the whole piece of art created by the singers. For great singers, the flow of the songs tend to be just as important as the quality of the music itself. Every song is arranged for a reason, and they want that feeling to be felt by the listeners.

I am a music lover, which is open to all sorts of music, kinda like a music freak, it's just that I don't have the money to buy all the CDs i like. It's one of the reason why I download first to listen to the whole album before buying it. If it's a wow, I'll buy the album for sure, though the time will be longer as the I always have financial problem.

That's y I realise that I'll just ask those who want to give me presents to buy me CDs, hehe.. It's a good way to save and people don't need to think what to buy for me.. the problem would be - how many people will actually give me presents?

CDs to buy currently - at least 20

参杂的感觉

今天收到了第一份礼物, 好像是这几年里收到的第一份礼物,
之前那份是kin fai送的cd， 可是都跟着我的车子一样不见了。
谢谢欣宜， 还要对kin fai说声抱歉，
他的礼物我弄丢了，
让我更珍惜她送的礼物，
让我深深感受到礼轻情义重的意义。
虽然说是糖果而已，可是真的让我又莫名的感动，（礼物还没拆， 只是上面写了）

今年的生日，我打算过的冷清，
应该说我没钱，所以必须过的冷清，
朋友问我有舍计划，我只能说没有，
因为我穷，办不起什么宴席，
邀请一堆空手来祝福的朋友，
而所谓的朋友，
在这个时候更为显得是只能有福同享之交，

算了吧，我承认我对朋友的要求高，
我是该检讨并纠正的，
这篇部落格就当我在发牢骚，
痴人说梦话咯！

Accident(s)

I'm not into blogging lately but just to show my current condition to everyone...

For those of you who don't know, I had an accident last week where I actually banged a bike's back and I became a superman for couple of seconds. Ended up on a hasrsh landing, I woke up with full of injuries and did not blame the rider I banged  cuz my bike is literally out of brake. What's more I never did my license and I left right after and apology to the guy, good thing he didn't ask for any compensation...

The worst part would definitely be the medical fees. 70 bucks and yet no medicine and I need to use externally. second thing was that the clubbing plan Jee and I planned some time ago was carried out without my presence. the two days stay at home without leaving the house and taking bath sucked to the max. Just imagine you sit there like a living corpse and watch TV until your eyes become blur.. Try for 2 consecutive days and you will feel me.

Today I really know why family members got the 'bond'. It's because my dad had another accident with his bike too. When I received his call I was like WTF as he always claims to know his bike very well. Another thing is that I've sent the bike for maintainance. It should be OK. When I reached the accident area, I saw him talking to a man and just when he got into the car, things started to turn bad. He was a little berserk blaming everyone. He said that I was suppose to go to the shop earlier and blah blah blah... and stupid kid just came out with his stupid bicycle blah blah blah...

I didn't say a single thing as I understood how it felt to involve in an accident. I was calm and remain silent on whatever he scolded. I took him to the bike shop, to the clinic and went back to solve the unfinished business with another tailor. He was more calmed after I came back and ordered my for some jobs as usual. I did not turn him down since it's my duty anyway. All his temper was gone and I did realise that what would've happened if I fought back and quarreled with him inside the car, maybe he would suffer more than external injuries, and would hurt my wallet too :-P
It was also a blessing since he would suffered major injury on his left elbow and costs him 60 bucks with all the fees, which is better as his elbow was wrapped.

If any reader's worried about either or both of us, well we're OK... I mean I'm OK, he I don't know ler... And lastly enjoy the photo of my injury, such a new experience for me that I took photos as a memory hehe....

Nicely wounded right toes, look so artistic...

A lil bit of scracthes on the left hand....

The knee part, front view...

Knee part, side view....

My fav, right elbow where I had hard time sleeping with it... (Couldn't even hug my bolster for nuts)

Left knee with really sap sui scratches...

Right hand with effect of touching boilt water kettle....

FYI, I didn't hurt any other parts of my body besides those shown above, including my didi where I still have the ability to reproduce now and in the future...

我喜欢

聆听, 对某些人来说,
是非常难得事...
但我觉得, 它是我的专长,
也可说是我唯一的骄傲,
因为除了聆听, 我好像真的是一无是处了.

我喜欢聆听, 听别人讲述自己的故事...
每个人都拥有自己的故事,
高兴的也好, 伤心的也好,
总有想与别人分享的,
我可以是聆听者,
也可以叙述自己的经验,
更可以给于自己的想法,
虽不是说什么名言或专人意见,
我只希望对于叙述者有点帮助...

因为你我他都有了自己的故事,
使得每个故事都变得独一无二,
而且每个人对于事情的看法都独特，
就连一颗梨也可创造出感动，
所以人都有感性的一面，
也是我当朋友最希望能够理解的一面...
若能够理解到朋友的这一面,
会让我有成就感,
也让我觉得朋友对我的信任,
更上了一城楼,
保守秘密的负担更多了,
但这一切,
也可说是开心的负担了...

这篇部落格被登上后,
因该很多人会后悔,
以前和我说的秘密吧,
害怕我会将秘密写上部落格,
而从此以后不再找我倾诉私事了,
不过我不会后悔,
写了这片部落格,
不但抒发了我的情绪，
也让别人更了解
此时的我...